Raising a teenager can be challenging, especially for first-time parents. Adolescence is a period of growth and development, so parents might have a hard time recognizing and relating to their child. Teenagers are also known to push the boundaries, which can be stressful for parents, but serves the function of developing their own values and beliefs.
Nevertheless, kids need boundaries to keep them safe and learn responsibility. Setting boundaries and following through with consequences may not be easy, but it’s essential to raising healthy, grounded teens. Thankfully, a parent coach can work with you to help build strong boundaries.
Below are some tips for setting boundaries with your teen. For more information on working with a parent mentor, contact Bridge the Gap today. We help parents from all walks of life set healthy boundaries for their families.
Be Firm and Consistent
Teens push boundaries because they want to see how far they can push their parents. If you’re not firm and consistent, you send the message that your teen can get away with what they want. And while you might think that this is what teens want, you’ll be surprised to learn that it’s not.
Even though they won’t admit it, safe boundaries give teens stability and remind them that they’re loved and cared for. This stability is welcome during a time when there is so much change going on. Sit down with the other parent or guardian in the home and establish boundaries that are clear and consistent. If your teen doesn’t follow through with them, they should have a consequence.
Allow for Natural Consequences
In terms of consequences, you might have to set them and you might not have to. Some situations result in natural consequences. For example, if your child gets into a fender bender and their insurance goes up, they could be expected to pay the difference. This is a natural consequence of getting into an accident.
Other actions may result in you having to determine the consequence. If your teen comes home after curfew, you may decide that they can’t go out the next weekend. Choose consequences that match up with the behavior and ones that you know you can stick to. If you don’t, your teen will take advantage of your wishy-washy parenting.
Know the Life Lessons You Want to Teach
Remember when your kids were little and people told you to pick your battles? The same is true now. Look at the bigger picture of things. What life lessons do you want your child to learn? Do you want them to resolve conflict? Manage their priorities? Show respect to others?
By keeping this in mind, you can avoid getting into a power struggle over silly conflicts that don’t really matter. Teens are people, too, and they’re going to have their own personalities and belief systems. As long as your teen is growing and learning, you don’t have to argue with them over every little thing.
Offer Empathy and Compassion
Being a teenager is hard. Think back to when you were young and how difficult it was to fit in, get good grades, etc. And today’s teens are even more stressed than they were years ago, topping levels reported by adults. Many teens also report feeling overwhelmed, depressed and tired. Some even skip meals because of their stress.
Try to remember your own struggles as a teen and relate to your child. Express empathy by saying things like “I remember feeling that way” or “I made a similar choice and I remember how I felt.” These simple statements go a long way in helping teens feel heard and understood.
Give Respect to Get Respect
Teens act silly and obnoxious at times, but they’re figuring out the world and how to become an adult. Try to refrain from laughing at your child or belittling them. If you do these types of things, they might model them right back to you. Also, try not to dismiss their feelings, even if they seem petty.
Another way to show your child respect is by giving them their privacy. Unless you feel that there are imminent safety concerns, you shouldn’t go through their stuff or read their diary. It’s important for your teen to have appropriate boundaries with space. Instead, discuss your expectations in advance (especially for social media) and check in with your teen regularly.
Don’t Take Things Personally
As a parent, you put in a lot of work to raise your child. And your teen still needs you, even if they don’t admit it. So, remember your role in your child’s life and that you are still very much needed. At the same time, don’t take things personally. If you’re getting frustrated, walk away or take a break. Don’t let your teen control your emotions. You are the adult in the relationship.
Parent coaching is available to all parents and guardians. A parent mentor can help with all types of things, including setting boundaries and following through with consequences. To learn more about your options for parent coaching, contact Bridge the Gap today.
